I’ve commonly heard the term “Hurt People – HURT People”! I am led to believe that this statement is true based on some experiences I have had. I am sure you can remember moments when you have been hurt and it cut you to the core to the point where you thought about doing some crazy thing because of the emotional pain you were feeling.
Can you recall a time in your life when you have been hurt and you have either taken revenge or thought about taking revenge?
Come on, think about that heartbreak you have had from that someone who was once special to you. How quickly did that love turn to hate when you got rejected or cheated, when you experienced abuse or when you did not get your way?
I wonder how you reacted when you felt betrayed or when you heard that disappointing news from a third party? Did you throw him/her out? Did you yell, cry, throw a tantrum, fight, malice, did you puncture his tyres, send hate mail or did you wait for the right opportunity to “sock it to them” by not helping them out when they needed your help, by laughing at their misfortunes or sabotaging something important to the offender?
Emotional hurt can really elicit some negative emotions. Its often difficult to not take things personal when someone makes an attempt to hurt you especially when you realize the action was a deliberate attempt to either demean, spite, use or inflict emotional pain that often leave an invisible scar that only time and God can heal. This emotional pain often lead to feelings of unworthiness, rejection or often times REVENGE.
In my first story in the Jerk Boss series, I shared my story of an incident that happened on my first job when I was 17 years old which resulted in me having to leave the job. What I did not state in that article was that although I was happy that God provided a job for me within two (2) days, I was very angry and hurt by the incident. This led to me thinking about revenge.
People who have experienced hurt react in various ways . Some will develop serious trust issues, others will be needy and try to cling to the offender trying to see if they can make the person like them, for some the hurt will fester and turn to hate and later bitterness while others will grieve because of the rejection felt. Some will forgive and move on quickly allowing the healing process to start much earlier than those who keep reliving the experience, or those who refuse to let go and let God take care of the situation.
If you have been hurt by someone you love, songs like Destiny Child’s Emotions although unbearable tend to uproot all the emotions that you have bottled inside and while you listen and cry you get to grieve which is one way to deal with the sadness caused which is crucial to the healing process.
If you have ever been hurt by someone you love, I know you can relate to these two songs. There are many more that just seem to play on the radio at that inopportune moment when you are going through something emotional. the type of songs that just make you wanna “tear up” (cry), that bring memories of the happy times you had with the one who hurt you.
Click blue link to hear song – Emotions
How you gonna act like that Click blue link to hear song
You think, you cry ,you drink, you see a shrink, but how many persons remember to pray during these times?
Forgetting hurt is easier said than done. How long will it take for you to forget something bad that has happened to you?
There is no specific timeframe to be healed from something emotional. Healing relies on a variety of factors including readiness of the person who is hurt, the ability of the person to let go and forgive, the mental and emotional state the person is in (emotional intelligence), an individual’s personality, and whether or not the individual who was hurt has received counselling of sorts whether from a therapist, pastor, life coach or otherwise.
It is very difficult for someone who has experienced hurt to accept advice from someone who has no empathy, has never experienced hurt or from a non-counselling professional.
It’s difficult to hear another person’s advice of “moving on”, “letting go”, “forgive” “he or she is not worth your time”, “get over it”, “be careful” “ don’t get bitter” “think about your family”. The list of advice may be non- exhaustive. When at that point in time all you can really think about is how you feel.
You are sad, depressed, melancholy, blank, worried or scared. You are happy one minute the next you are enraged. Or you may pretend that all is well. You are as cool as a cucumber on the outside yet within you are raging. You have decided not to trust again, not to be open, you are afraid to be touched. You assume that everyone you meet is wearing a mask so you hold people at bay. The many emotions experienced when you have been hurt.
I was hurt, I was unfairly treated, I was disrespected, I, I, I.
I – got so caught up in my emotions that I thought about seeking revenge. I vowed that one day that lady, that Jerk Boss, would see me and she would remember me. I would make sure that my face would not be forgotten. She would apologize for the mistreatment. Jerk Boss would remember how she disrespected this country girl and she would be astonished at who I had become.
My friends who worked next door suggested that they would call her and tell her off over the phone, and I thought about making her bad deeds known by calling the Ministry of Labour or the Mutty Perkins or Ronnie Twaites radio shows to let the world know how employees, “poor people” were treated in this country Jamaica , land of wood and water.
If I wanted revenge I could have gotten it. All sorts of evil thoughts came through my mind. I wouldn’t do anything that is obvious, I would instead “touch” her most precious gift (her son, who was a popular college footballer at the time). My bosses were
extremely proud of him and quite often boasted about how talented and attractive he was; and they were right. He was downright gorgeous.
The truth is, I was shattered, but I wasn’t broken. I hurt, so I wanted who hurt me to hurt. I was conflicted.
Revenge Without A Plan
The big day came when I could have rendered “an eye for an eye”. I could have avenged what was done to me.
I came face to face with their “precious gem”. He would often hang out in a popular shopping centre in Upper St. Andrew – where I also hung out.
It so happened that one evening we were within arm’s reach of each other. I had the perfect opportunity. I was near his food, near his car and I knew he lived nearby. He had her eyes, her soft curly hair and he had personality. He didn’t know me but I knew him! If anything had happened to him neither Jerk Boss nor her husband would have known who the offender was as they had wronged several persons – too many persons.
The perfect opportunity was at hand, yet I did not touch him. I was so close, he had the most starry and enormous eyes to match his gorgeous body and curly hair. I finished my meal and exited the restaurant. I wondered if I would regret missing my opportunity for revenge. I thought, not the time, not the place ,the price I would have to pay at an attempt to get revenge certainly would not be worth it after all. I was only hurt, not broken.
You see, although revenge may be sweet, the price one would have to pay for a crime was not worth taking the risk. Therefore, it is always important to think before you act.
Words to Yolanda Adam’s song “Still I Rise” would accurately describe how I felt during those days and going to prison was not a part of my dream
Shattered, but I’m not broken. Wounded, but time will heal. Heavy the load, the cross I bear. Lonely the road I trod, I dare.
Sometimes I’m troubled, but not in despair. Struggling, I make my way through. Trials, they come to make me strong, I must endure, I must hold on.
Yet still I rise. Never to give up. Never to give in against all odds. Yet still I rise. High above the clouds
At times I feel low, Yet still I rise – Above all my problems. Above all my eyes can see
Knowing God is able to strengthen me.
To listen to this song click here
I got two more opportunities either get revenge or prove to Jerk Boss that I was not a loser. I saw Jerk Boss and her husband on separate occasions at another Mall within the same vicinity and they acted as if they didn’t even recognise me. Perhaps they really didn’t.
I was working in banking then and sported a low haircut and wore make up which they have never seen me wear, as back then I mostly wore a ponytail and did not wear foundation or powdered make up. I might have looked a bit different, who knows. Some persons are also great pretenders.
I later got another opportunity when Jerk Boss came to the front desk at the financial institution where I worked and again she genuinely acted as if she did not recognise me. Well again maybe she didn’t. So many employees had passed through her little organization within a short period of time, maybe she couldn’t keep up with the faces as the turnover rate was quite high.
Oh what a chicken I was for not confronting my Goliaths when I was provided with several opportunities. The truth is, each time I saw them I wondered if it was even worth the time and effort to even speak to them.
The opportunity for revenge took so long to come that by the time we finally came face to face, I really did not care any more about getting my revenge or proving my worth, as I knew that I was quite valuable and whatever happened occurred several years prior. So I rose above the situation. I released whatever anger and bitterness I had from my experience and was at peace. Both time and God had healed my heart, my emotions. I remember I was shattered not broken.
- I learnt from Jerk Boss#1 that being rich, accomplished or successful in any area does not make you a better person than someone without adequate financial means.
- I also learnt that not all employers were fair as I saw where staff was mistreated, disrespected, abused and the owners of the organization thought it was okay to be rude because they were in a position of authority.
- Self-control is important as without it you may act on your emotions and put yourself in a situation that can cause you additional stress as well as put you into trouble.
- Although revenge is sweet, the price one has to pay because of an action elicited because of revenge is not worth the reward.
- People who are hurt experience and exhibit a variety of emotions. People who hurt also hurt others. Get over your hurt quickly. Move on!
- The most important lesson learnt was although persons can be rude and say hurtful things, one should always have and maintain a high level of self confidence and self-esteem which will be the basic fuel used to motivate oneself to achieving one’s goals. After all, someone’s opinion of you does not have to be your reality.
When you are faced with a situation where you are emotional, hurt or angry instead of seeking revenge STAND! Do not render an eye for an eye. It’s not easy to let go, its not easy to forget but if you ask you will get the help that you need from God who is able to heal all broken hearts.
Sometime you will have to be flexible and give up your rights just to end a quarrel. Learn to apologize and compromise. Sometimes you will have to ignore comments as some persons use words to hurt just because they hurt, but when you get to know them and look past what they are saying you will realise that what they are saying is all ‘fluff”. At other times you will have to take a stand respectfully, especially if you are being bullied/harrased or you were made embarassed.
There are many weapons used to get back at our enemy. The greatest weapons to be used against persons who hate is to apply that which our main adversary the evil one rejects… that is to show love. Apply Romans 12:19-21
19 Do not avenge yourselves, beloved, but leave room for God’s wrath. For it is written: “Vengeance is Mine, I will repay, says the Lord.” 20 On the contrary, “If your enemy is hungry, feed him; if he is thirsty, give him a drink. For in so doing, you will heap burning coals on his head.” 21 Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good.…
Whatever we do : “let us therefore make every effort to do what leads to peace and to mutual edification.” Romans 14:19
And remember while you are at it to STAND
To listen click here – STAND
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The Evolution of the Jerk Boss!
Stand (Words)- Donnie McClurkin
What do you do When you’ve done all you can and it seems like its never enough
And what do you say when your friends turn away and you’re all alone,
Tell me what do you give,When you’ve given your all and it seems like you can’t make it through
Well you just stand when there’s nothing left to do You just stand watch the LORD see you through
Yes after you’ve done all you can, you just stand
Tell me how do you handle the guilt of your past ,Tell me how do you deal with the strain
And how can you smile when your heart has been broken and filled with pain .Tell me what do you giveWhen you’ve given your all and it seems like you can’t make it through
Child, you just stand, when there’s nothing left to do you just stand watch the Lord see you through
Yes after you’ve done all you can, you just stand, stand and be sure .Be not entangled in that bondage, oh you just stand and endure God has a purpose, yes God has a plan
Tell me what do you do When you’ve done all you can and seems like you can’t make it through
Child, you just stand, stand, you just stand, stand, stand, stand
Through the storm, stand, stand through the rain
Stand, through the hurt, stand, yeah through the pain, you just
Don’t you stop, stand, and don’t you bend, stand, don’t give up
Stand, no don’t give in, you just Hold on, stand, just be strong, stand God will step in, stand, and it won’t be long, you just
After you’ve done all you can
After you’ve gone through the hurt
After you’ve done all you can, after you’ve gone through the pain
After you’ve done all you can, after you’ve gone through the storm
After you’ve done all you can, after you’ve gone through the rain
After you’ve done all you can, prayed and cried, after you’ve done all you can
Prayed and cried, after you’ve done all you can, prayed and cried
After you’ve done all can, prayed and cried, after you’ve done all you can
After you’ve done all you can, you just stand, oh, oh, oh, oh
Songwriters: SYLVESTER STEWART
© Universal Music Publishing Group
For non-commercial use only.